A year after our wedding I became pregnant, I honestly had no idea as we had been trying for a child to no avail. Believing that I came down the flu, I went to the hospital where a series of test informed and confirmed the presence of a developing embryo. To say Lanre and I were excited would be an understatement as we attended the ante-natal care of our first baby together and even went shopping for the clothes and baby products together. I guess it might be safe to say that I even sp No atlurged on getting some more baby outfits when I went out ualone.
Giving that we didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, we didn’t have any gender reveal but were excited when she came out. Mine and Lanre’s first child.
I remember the drops of tears that rolled down Lanre’s eyes as he cradled her gently wrapped in swaddling clothes.. We had named her Christabel.
We couldn’t check Christabel genotype at birth despite our nagging concern because the doctor mentioned that Neonates and Babies have a high hemoglobin F level which is the Fetal Haemoglobin. This would prevent an accurate reveal of her genotype. The Doctor said to return to do it when she was six (6) months and above.
We forgot.
Taking care of Christabel was not an hassle at all and she was a really good and easy to bring up. When Christabel was 3 years, I put to bed a boy and we named him Matthew, after Lanre’s grandfather. He was the sweetest thing ever, but he was a weak child, he often fell sick and I paid extra care to him.
One day, I received a call from Matthew’s day care center telling me to rush to GREENFIELD hospital. I was perturbed to say the least but I took an excuse and ran down there.
“Matthew was fine in the morning when I took him to the day care center, please what happened?” I asked the doctor tears filling my eyes.
“Well, I believe you’re Matthew’s mother right?”
“Yes, I am”
“Please, come with me”
I followed the tall beefy doctor as we passed by the children play area filled with toys, games and colourful charts.
“Matthew was having a sickle cell crises. From the look of things and your reaction, I’m guessing that this is his first?
“Excuse me, I don’t follow “
“Matthew is how old please?”
“8 months, I had him in January “
“We had to run a blood genetic test while he was in here. Giving that his speech level is very limited, we couldn’t really decipher what was wrong with him and didn’t want to go poking around randomly.”
“And ….” My fears building with each second that passed.
“Matthew is a Sickle cell carrier. The sickle cell, commonly known as SS, is one of the genotypes a person can have, However unlike AA, AS, or AC the SS red blood cells are sickle shaped reducing the level of oxygen that can be transported and they die early causing a deficiency in the number of available, healthy Red Blood Cells.
What Matthew was experiencing is what we call a ‘Sickle Cell Crisis’, this is caused by the sticking of the sickle cells together preventing blood flow and causing serious pain and damaging complications. We have currently mediated the pain by giving him medications, however since he would have to live with it for the rest of his life, you need to learn the things he should avoid or do more. The Nurse outside will guide you with it when you make payment.”
The information dawned on me only within the few years later when I had to experience my sweet boy writhing in pain and could only watch but do nothing much to help.
I hated myself.
So now I sit by the window in a dark room, looking at the pregnancy test in my hand that showed two lines showing positive. Michael was gone and so was Jackson that I had two years after him. It was five years and I’m still not ready to have any child. Michael’s death felt like he was euthanized and Jackson’s passing was something I didn’t want to relieve as the thorn was still in my heart.
But what if this one was AS like Christabel? I looked at the test result again.
Forget it, it isn’t worth it.
I should go for Amniocentesis to know the genotype when ready and if it’s not I should consider Tubal ligation.
I curled into a ball tucking my knees behind my chin as tears racked my body, sob after sob.
I chose this life and I hate it.
Writer Details:Temidayo✍️
Location:Ekiti State University,Ado Ekiti,Nigeria🇳🇬.
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